I’m coming to realize that there is never going to be a time in life where I don’t find myself walking into the unknown or into challenging situations where I don’t need God’s help. I’d like to pride myself on being strong, but truly I am weak, but then again, I’m strong in Christ. I’m literally experiencing the joy of the following verse:
But He said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness. Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me.
2 Cor 12:9
I’m trying to get my spirit and soul used to the fact that I will always be dependent on Him. There are always going to be questions, challenges and an emptiness that only He can answer and satisfy. I literally depend on Him for everything. It’s always easier to try to face these questions, challenges, and emptiness in our own ways, but I’m finally beginning to realize I literally have no other option but to seek God in all of this if I want the best possible life. The reason why it’s hard is because it takes time and faith to get to know and experience God, the Invisible One, in this all-satisfying way.
When I was walking without God up until 2008, my life was a mess, even though I had gotten a good degree from a great university and landed some respectful, high-paying jobs. But I was desperate inside, grasping at things in the dark.
Now, five years later, as I’m maturing in my walk with the Holy Spirit, I’m coming to experience Him in every situation of my life as my Helper who gives me strength when I need it.
I depend on Him not just for the long-term, “big” things of life like finances, direction/guidance, and relationships, but even in the small things of every day life. If I live life well today, then I set myself up for long-term success.
For example, when I need help against my own laziness, God always answers me and gives me the motivation I need to exercise or get something done. Literally, just the other day, as I was napping (but didn’t really need to), I physically felt the arms of the Holy Spirit nudge me gently on my back. It was totally miraculous and maybe the first time I’ve felt His physical touch. I’ll never forget it.
I share this miracle to point to God’s awesomeness, His faithfulness, and His incredible love for His children – not to highlight myself. I’m not anymore deserving of this kind of faithfulness than anyone else. I’m just as limited and weak as the rest of mankind. But as sinful and weak as we are, it makes no difference to God, we are loved just the same. We are forgiven and saved through the sacrifice of Christ, and His love knows no bounds!
Often, I need “a filling up” of hope, encouragement, and joy, He always supplies it in His way and His time. It’s rarely the instant gratification my flesh craves, but His way is much more satisfying, and it’s always a surprise how He does it! The more I choose to wait for His response, the more I experience His deeply satisfying comfort, and the more my love for Him deepens as I begin to trust that He always responds to the pains and groanings of my heart.
Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.
Sometimes it’s hard for me to receive this kind of love from Him, because my human mind thinks I have to repay Him some how, or that I’m asking for too many blessings. But He’s been teaching me that He longs to be my Comforter, my Provider, my Strength, my Wisdom, my Judge, my Defense, my Light and expects absolutely nothing in return. He just wants relationship with me. And in fact, it’s a life that learns how to wait and receive His love through prayer and expectation that most glorifies Him. So all I can do is learn to receive His love, His Spirit, His blessings, His teachings, His corrections. With all this receiving, it becomes impossible for me to not walk out in all that He has for me:
He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other command greater than these.