Every single week we begin a new study and every time it’s a new adventure with God. He’s doing so much in me through this school, and I feel so blessed.
Proverbs is definitely one of my favorite books – right up there with 1 & 2 Samuel. In short, it just made really prioritize asking God questions throughout the day, whether big or small ones, and waiting for the answer. Sometimes I have to keep asking and keep searching depending on how deep and forward-thinking the question is (i.e., what is God’s perspective on the end-times, not man’s perspective). But sometimes I need a solution for just an every-day situation, and He guides me in it each time in the proper timing! It’s such a delight!
For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding… …for wisdom will come into your hearts, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul; prudence will watch over you; and understanding will guard you. Proverbs 2:6,10-11
Proverbs also makes it quite clear that there are two distinct voices in this world: one of foolishness and one of wisdom. God speaks only wisdom, while the other comes from the enemy.
I’ve heard that before, but God has been challenging me to really put this into practice in every day situations. For instance, when I’m listening to someone, the voice of fear always wants me to think of what I have to do next, or about something else that’s going on in my life or around me. But the voice of wisdom advises me to listen and understand that person, and that I don’t have to fear that I’m “missing out” by focusing my attention on that person.
Say to wisdom, ‘You are my sister,’ and call insight your intimate friend.
It definitely takes trust in God to listen to His voice alone. But this is fear of the Lord, and God is taking me to higher levels with it.
God is also teaching me to come to Him for everything. Everyday, something or another bothers me. Sometimes I ask God about it, but other times I don’t.
Over the past couple of weeks, a few things have bothered me about the school. I love studying the bible and everything that God is teaching me, but there were some things about work duties or rules that got me really upset. I decided to just “get over it,” because I was being “rebellious” if I didn’t, or just needed to have an “attitude change.” But this didn’t work, and all the things that bothered me just started to fester!
Finally, one day, it all came to the surface after one little thing tipped me over the edge and I just started crying tears of frustration in the middle of lecture because I couldn’t even hide it anymore!
It probably wasn’t a coincidence that the lecture I was crying through was on Psalms. Interestingly enough, the majority of psalms are “laments” as opposed to praises or declarations of thanksgiving. So seeing David cry out to God so much gave me permission to express negativity to God, too!
Look on my right hand and see — there is no one who takes notice of me; no refuge remains to me; no one cares for me. Psalms 142:4
David complained that there was no one who took care of him, but that obviously wasn’t true, because God was his provider. But this was how David honestly felt, and turned to God with his honest feelings, even if he seemed to lack “faith” in God.
I know it sounds elementary, but for me, this was huge! God was telling me it was okay that I struggled…it was okay that I felt things I “shouldn’t” feel, or that are “ungodly”…I just had to get them out somehow and be real about it, even if it exposes some kind of character flaw of mine.
It’s so freeing to be able to turn to God and not be “punished” for feeling or behaving negatively. It has seriously brought me so much closer to God, knowing that He will never reject me. He gives me grace in my negative attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, etc.
The Lord redeems the life of his servants; none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned. Psalms 34:22
So much more happened during this week. God’s giving me His heart. He’s revealing more of His grace and acceptance. He’s softening me. He’s humbling me. He’s helping me surrender to the fact that no one but Him and His love for me will satisfy me. He’s helping me accept that I’m a sensitive woman, created in His image, and that I shouldn’t despise my sensitivity even though the world may view it as weak. God is sensitive – not overly sensitive, or easily offended, just sensitive. God is vulnerable, God cries, and God is very intimate.
My friend Annie put it all so simply:
It’s funny how as we get stronger and at the same time our hearts get softer.